Hart: Damage Chapters 26-41

The remainder of Damage took me on a twisted rollercoaster ride. Ingrid begins to question if there is something that he has not told her and feels like he might be cheating on her. He covers up her suspicion with lies and then admits how his marriage never had any passion. The physical contact between them was diminishing. He says, “A sickness for Anna wrenched my being. It was as though Ingrid had been trying to invade the space which the ghost of the absent Anna filled.” The entire family decides to go to Hartley for the weekend to celebrate Ingrid’s father, Edward’s birthday. This is where Martyn proposes to Anna. In the middle of the night, Anna tells him how his son is going to tell the family the news the next day. She tells him, “I am everything you need in me. You live in me. Remember – everything, always.” The next day he was filled with pain. Everyone congratulated them and he had to force himself to send his best wishes. With their marriage set to June, the family then meets her step father, father, and mother who spill out all of her secrets. It turns out that Martyn has a shocking resemblance to her deceased brother Aston and that Anna still maintains a relationship with her first romance Peter. No wonder she lost contact with her family! He eventually calls Peter and later meets Anna where she gives him a key to the flat she promised. When he goes to visit, he finds a note that reads, “This room will contain nothing but us. A world within a world. I shall visit it to know your wishes. For in this world I have created, you rule and I am your slave. I will wait at the times you designate. Being obedient, I will always be there.” I could not believe that they were really going through with this and thought it would be that easy to maintain their secret life of “love.” On the day before Martyn and Anna’s wedding, he walked towards his new life with Anna with nothing, but happiness filling his heart. He says, “I accepted that my life would continue on a dangerous edge.” This is when he leads himself into self destruction. While making love to Anna, Martyn storms in to tell her that her father suffered from a stroke and catches them in the act. He is frantic and cannot believe his eyes. Martyn falls over the stair case banister and on to the floor where he dies instantly. What amazed me was as his father was trying to tend to his body, Anna simply left with no shame to the tragedy that just happened, as if she never existed. He makes a statement with the police and tells them the truth about their five month long affair and figures out how Peter must have given his son the address to the flat. When he goes home to Sally and Ingrid, they already know everything that has happened. Ingrid tells him, “Why oh why didn’t you kill yourself?” He replies how Aston had killed himself for Anna and now Martyn has died too. Ingrid then realizes how evil of a girl Anna was. She then says, “You and Anna match each other well. You cause agony in others’ lives. She’s always had that talent. Clearly you’ve just discovered it.” I bet that this must have been a horrible realization to come too. He loses his wife, resigns from his job, and unbelievably says, “The pain of Martyn’s loss was equaled only by the pain of longing for her. The name that my voice cried out was Anna, Anna, Anna. After everything that had happened, this man still wants his Anna! She disappeared and obviously wanted nothing to do with him or his son, but he could not see that. He goes to Peter to pick up a letter that she left for him where he finds out how Anna did not find it possible to continue their relationship. Peter delivers the cold truth to him when he says, “Anna could handle guilt all right. Actually, most people can. For example, you managed perfectly well to deceive your son. One barely finds it necessary to refer to the minor betrayal of your wife. Yet you are here days after your son has died, his death undoubtedly all but occasioned by you. You are here to search for Anna.” It was messed up when he learns how the whole affair allowed Anna to say goodbye to her brother and that he was essentially there to be a part of her healing process. In the letter she mentions how she was a fatal gift and that she has given him his own pain now, which he was destined for from the start. In the last chapter, he goes to the airport where he says, “Anna appears before me. She moves towards me. She takes my dark glasses from me. She looks beyond me as though gathering herself from me for ever. Silently, she wrestles for the part of her I still keep. She is all-powerful. It is an act of repossession.” He then notices how she is pregnant and is back with Peter. What a conniving bitch! Anna made him the victim all along. He is then left to deal with the damage and live a life alone in agony and misery where he stares at a life-size photograph of his son, Martyn and his lost love, Anna. He lost them both and destroyed his life because he allowed himself to lose control. The affair was the only thing he had in mind that was ultimately a fake act of passion on Anna’s part. I loved the wording of this book, which is why I jotted down so many quotations. I can now understand how one’s hasty behavior can have a disastrous toll on the impact of one’s life. When one enters an affair they really do not know what they are getting themselves into until they are caught. Passion at that moment in time drives them risky costs. Josephine Hart wrote such a brilliant work of art.

Hart: Damage Chapters 1-25

“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive because they have no pity.” Damage tells the story of a fifty year old man who seems to have the perfect life. With a prominent political career, a beautiful marriage with his wife Ingrid, and two sweet children: a son, Martyn, and a daughter, Sally, it’s as if he has it all! He soon realizes that there happens to be something missing in his life: passion. He himself says, “The passion that transforms life, and art, did not seem to be in mine.” This all changes when he meets his son’s girlfriend Anna Burton. He and Anna develop an instant attraction to one another where he suddenly becomes sexually obsessed with her. After their first time meeting he says, “My soul has rushed to Anna Burton. I believed that in such a private matter between myself and God I could freely let it tumble forwards, without fear or damage to heart or mind, body or life. It is in that essential misreading that many lives stumble; in the utterly wrong idea that we are in control.” This turns out to be his exact downfall. He also says, "My life had already ended. It had ended in the split second of my first sight of her. The only truth that matters to me: Anna." Their love affair is surrounded by lies and deception towards the ones that they supposedly care about. I found it crazy how he especially chose Anna over his own wife and son. He was actually considering leaving his wife and not caring about his son’s feelings just to be with this woman. I never knew that passion could cause one to lose sight of important things in one’s life. This man felt possessed by her and thought that he had acquired this passion that he had been longing for. When Anna gives this man an insight to her dark past through a letter she wrote to him, one can see how heartless she has become. She suffered a lot through the death of her brother Aston and does not care if she causes anyone else pain. I think that this is why Anna did not want to give up Martyn or his father. I guess she figured why not have them both to herself because she is already damaged. What more damage can be done? She comes off as being very sneaky and manipulative where she makes her own decisions and would never allow herself to be controlled by any man. Anna is simply playing a game. She does not want to have a life with Martyn’s father as badly as he does. Instead, she just wants to continue to use him on the side, as a secret from Ingrid and Martyn. I felt like Anna had no concern for consequences and used sex to keep men in the palm of her hands. She admitted that she would say yes to Martyn if he ever asked for her hand in marriage and that she would marry his son, “Because Martyn asks no questions. Martyn lets me be.” When was shocked when he heard this. In his mind, she was his and it was naïve of him to think that she would chose him over his son. Even after he learns about her true feelings, he still wants her. He is still willing to stay and risk it all! It’s as if nothing can change his mind or stop him from attaining this passion that she alone gives him. Anna even tells him that she will by a flat for them to meet in if she and Martyn ever marry, when deep down he hopes that Martyn will not marry her. It’s as if there is no bond between him and his son. He starts to view Martyn as a rival for her affection and does not care if he ends up unhappy. Already halfway through this book and I cannot wait to read about what will happen next!

Nabokov: Lolita

After reading Lolita, all I have is one word: disturbing! The narrator H. Humbert, is what we would refer to today as a pedophile. I could never understand the mind of a pedophile because one would think since they are mature enough to know right from wrong they would fight the temptation of ever allowing themselves to be attracted to young, innocent and helpless children. It’s disgusting! H. Humbert is obsessed with young girls, which he calls “nymphets.” His obsession started with the death of his childhood sweetheart Annabel. From then on, he lusts over nymphets and visually possesses them while they play in the park. Yuck! I could not stand how he continued to pull me in, as a reader, to try and consider his way of thinking. H. Humbert becomes excited when he meets twelve year old Dolores Haze, which he gives the nickname Lolita. Lolita’s mother allowed him to live in their house as a tenant which was a bad move, in my opinion. He refers to Lolita in his diary as Lo, L, Lola, and even Dolly. H. Humbert develops a strong passion for this “nymphet” and spends his days watching her like a stalker. He wants nothing more than to remain in that house with his dear Lolita forever. H. Humbert was a sick and dirty man! I could not believe how he was actually sexually attracted to this young girl. He even had a hard time describing her beauty as his feelings intensified. It’s hard to imagine how millions of people, just like H. Humbert, exist in our society today.

“Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins.

My sin, my soul.”

Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love

Limerence enters your life when someone takes on a special meaning. Tennov describes this term as an unconscious state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person. When Limerence sneaks up on someone, this overwhelming, obsessive need to have one’s feelings reciprocated comes upon them. This is said to happen when one experiences “being in love.” All of the examples of Limerence showed a deep infatuation towards another person. It reminded me of what happens in our mind when one sees someone either for the first time or many times, where out of nowhere we develop a crush on that person. It could have been a smile, eye contact, or nothing at all that just triggers these sudden intrusive feelings of Limerence inside of us. Limerence has different levels of arousal and intensity on each person. When Limerence is in control, the person has a strong desire to feel in return one’s feelings in order to provide emotional assurance in that person’s mind. I remember when I first met my boyfriend, I felt like I was on a cloud that was making its way up to heaven. I was so happy and I could not stop thinking about him. At that point, my life was transformed. Limerence made my perceptions grow stronger and my passion for him blossom. Everyone has experienced the works of Limerence at least once in their life.

Fatal Attraction

Bottom line: Alex is obsessed, not infatuated.

Best line of the whole movie!

Obsessive Sex and Love

In Chapter 6, Davis gives interesting information about how people viewed sex in the past in comparison to how we view sex now in the present. Society is more open to discussing sex because it is no longer considered taboo. It is has become normal to talk about sex. Many of the advertisements on display boards or that play in commercials use sex in some type of way because as we all know sex sells. Calvin Klein, for example, uses sex in ads as a form of pleasure. The way the models are presented to advertise his clothing or perfume lines provide a fantasy for some people. They all draw people closer to their own sexuality. If advertisements did not use sex, a lot of people would not show much interest to the product. I like how Davis says, “You can’t have obsession if you don’t have a clear sense of normality.” Our human nature has a feeling for sexual needs and it is totally normal to perform acts while having sex. In the beginning of the twentieth century, the mechanics of sexuality continued to be a central area of cultural and social obsession. Sexologists thought of the natural path of sexuality to be toward reproduction and any diversion from this was known as a perversion. A ton of manuals were made to promote sex. They were used as a guide on how to perform during sex which caused a problem. These manuals were telling people step by step information about what to do and how many times to do it which made sex turn into an addiction for some. Davis argues about what it is considered “normal sex” and was is considered “abnormal/obsessive sex.” People usually consider normal sex to be an intimate encounter between two individuals that are in love. Obsessive or abnormal love, on the other hand, refers to when the act is done excessively. Obsessive passion is both a desirable and a dangerous thing. Love plays an important role in sexual development. We should all try to have a balanced sexual life.

The Possession

Annie Ernaux’s “The Possession” was such a great book because it moved me through each phase of a woman’s jealousy. In this reading, passion leads this woman to become obsessive over a woman who takes her place in a past relationship. I was able to relate to the woman because I myself have ended relationships and have became curious about what was going on without me around. The only difference about this woman and I is that I would never go to the extremes that she went to to find out every detail about this woman. She let her take control of her life because she was fixed on this woman throughout the whole book. This woman lost total control of her emotions. She went as far as searching for this woman on the internet and calling multiple possible numbers to get a chance to hear her voice. The woman wanted to know everything and anything about her and she claimed she would do anything to get the information she wanted. She was possessed by this other woman and could not get her out of her mind. I found it crazy how she left W. and after learning about this woman she suddenly wanted him back. I guess envy makes us do weird things.

Triangulating Love

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

While reading the Triangular Theory of Love, all I kept thinking about was my five year relationship with my boyfriend. This really made me take into account the many ways that we express our love. The three components of love, according to this theory are: intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment. There has to be a common balance present between all three sides of the triangle when in a relationship because the amount of love may be right, but the kind of love may not, which can ultimately cause unhappiness and strains. In my relationship, I noticed that we love each other in our own personal way and sometimes we may fight about the love we are receiving in return. This reading scared me when Sternberg mentioned, “Without expression, even the greatest loves can die.” I now see flaws in my relationship and realize that my boyfriend has a problem communicating and expressing himself towards me. He needs to work on the liking side of the triangle, but the question will be if he will be open to change. I have to be responsible and guide him to make this relationship the best that it can be. We all want a chance at reaching consummate love even though it is hard to attain. I want the passion in my relationship to last forever and I now know that I will be faced with many challenges where I will have to maintain and watch over all three sides of this triangle. Why does love have to be so difficult?

Specialization as Monomania

In Chapter 3, Davis explains how modernity was a period where monomania, or obsession, was intertwined with specialization. He says, “Thinking too much is the symptom and cause of mental distress.” When one becomes totally absorbed with a certain topic for a long amount of time, there is a great possibility of an obsession developing. The reading shows how scientists were more inclined to developing monomania because they were constantly involved with specialized fields, where they had no choice, but to study and give all of their attention to their experiments. Being specialized and focused in one area alone, as we went over in our last class, led to the development of an obsession. The example pertaining to Sir Francis Galton becoming obsessed with measuring, I found to be very interesting. He started off with measuring his breathing time and then going as far as wanting to measure the Hottentot Venus’s shape. Davis explains how a fixed idea in anyone’s work or daily life ultimately runs the risk of obsession.

The Emergence of Obsession

In Chapter 2, Davis goes over the term monomania and how it is responsible for paving the way of obsessive diseases, obsessive practices, and a general culture of attention, focus, and specialization. Monomania was the first diagnosis specifically defining what we now call obsession. In the 19^th Century, monomania was the notion that the mind could be imbalanced or made unsound by a single idea or train of thought. It was defined as a disease in which monomaniacs are aware of the wrongness or inappropriateness of their behavior while being able to resist the specific action of thought. Around 1810, monomania was introduced by Jean Esquirol. Before then, Philippe Pinel’s term “partial insanity” was used to imply that only a single idea of the mind had been affected inside of a patient’s head. The diagnosis of monomania opened the doors to the idea of insanity to the population. After Esquirol invented the term, monomania became the most frequently made diagnosis for patients entering asylums. The number of considered mentally ill people with monomania increased dramatically, but was soon dismissed and replaced toward the middle of the century by the newly redefined hysteria, neurosis, neurasthenia, and neurotic obsession/OCD. Esquirol thought of monomania as a hybrid of melancholia and mania. Melancholia is allowing a self-awareness of one’s depressed mood, as we discussed in class. Monomania became integrated inside of our culture, where it was present in trails and even literature, such as “Frankenstein.” I found it crazy how monomania was viewed as a lifestyle for people back then! Monomaniacs’ lives were devoted to an idée fixe or a preoccupation with a single idea, passion, or train of thought. If you ask me, monomania and obsession sound exactly the same between then and now.

Origins of Obsession

In chapter 1, Davis goes over the origin of the word obsession, where he points out the terms various meanings throughout history. He begins this chapter by saying how an obsession involved a battle of one’s self, where a compulsive self struggled with an observing self. He says how this described war and even demonic possession! I never thought that this word could have ever had so much meaning to us back then. He then sheds light upon the mental illnesses of the eighteenth century, which were either under the melancholy, lunacy, or idiocy grouping. Davis then mentions recognized mental conditions of hysteria, hypochondria, spleen, and vapors, from which the last two mentioned I knew nothing about. Davis’ general breakdown of the word obsession helped me to gain a better insight to our current meaning of obsession. It just shows us how long the word obsession has been around and how it has been redefined.

Freud: Notes Upon a Case of Obsessional Neurosis Rat Man

Looking at the title, I thought that this would be about a man hoarding rats like Willard. Boy was I wrong! This actually turned out to be Sigmund Freud’s only known case study about one of his patients who suffered with obsessive-compulsive disorder. One can see how his patient felt obligated to fulfill his obsessive thoughts and behaviors. He would dream and “could not help believing in the premonitory power of his dreams.” The name “Rat Man” was given to him after the patient had a terrifying story told to him by an officer where as punishment, criminals had a pot turned upside down on their buttocks where rats in the pot would then chew their way into the anus. This made him fear rats. He then started to experience compulsions, where he would imagine something dreadful happening to his father, who happened to be dead and a lady he admired, such as: having to endure the same torture criminals experienced with rats. The patient also had a strange history with masturbation. All of his obsessive fantasies and ideas, according to Freud, had reason for coming about. I thought it was crazy how the patient fantasized about marrying Freud’s daughter! “Rat Man” definitely had OCD.

OCD: Now and Forever

In “OCD: Now and Forever” Davis explains how obsessive-compulsive disorder shifted from being an unknown and rare disease, to currently one of the most common mental illnesses of our time. It’s crazy how OCD suddenly went from 1 out of every 20,000 to 3 out of every 100 to 1 out of 10 in less than thirty years. Davis argues that there is no true explanation as to how this was all able to happen so rapidly and overnight as it did. He claims that the media was partially involved with this increase. Davis also emphasizes how one must understand the mechanisms of the brain in order to become familiar with characteristics that pertain to OCD. He says that this is vital. Exact areas of the brain and how they work are still not clear enough for professionals to decipher whether or not the behavior and thought patterns being seen are in fact associated and consistent with OCD alone. Every statement or claim that has been made thus far still has to be explained in greater detail to make sure there is no overlapping of any other mental disorder. The Broken Brain area of the chapter showed me how more in depth exploring must be done when it comes down to obsessive-compulsive disorder.

“Obsession is everywhere, in all of us.”

–Paul Adams

Obsession. Obsessive. Obsessed.

Tormenting Thoughts & Secret Rituals: The Hidden Epidemic of OCD

All I can say is wow! Prior to this reading, I was only aware of a few compulsions and rituals people with OCD dealt with. Thanks to True Life: I Have OCD, I gained some knowledge about the washing, the checking, the ordering, the repeating, and the rubbing, touching, and tapping issues these people suffer with. I now have a whole new outlook on people with OCD and I have to say that I give them a lot of credit. Obsessive-compulsive disorder actually turns out to be the most common of all mental illnesses out there. Surprisingly, many people suffering with this disease stay in silence. The Filth, Harm, Lust, and Blasphemy Chapter helped me to better understand the severity of this disorder. Never having suffered from the negative effects of obsessions and compulsions, the clinical cases really opened my eyes to the torment that OCDers thoughts put them through on a day to day basis. Sherry’s personal account about her obsessions with harm made me realize why these people sometimes keep their torture a secret. It’s as if a monster was growing inside of her, feeding her these terrifying and disturbing thoughts. I totally understand why she became so overwhelmed, nervous, and exhausted. I honestly would not know how to fight thoughts about “throwing my daughter in a microwave.” How can someone live like this? Imagine not being able to run away from your own thoughts! What I found to be the most crazy about all of this was how if she tried to fight her thoughts, they would become worse. I guess it is relieving to learn that OCD is treatable.

21 things I am absolutely obsessed with ♡

1. Snoopy.

2. Dunkin’ Donuts Iced Caramel Latte.

3. Mac Makeup.

4. Photography.

5. French Fries.

6. Essie Nail Polish.

7. American Sign Language.

8. That ‘70s Show.

9. Mozzarella Sticks.

10. Baking.

11. Marilyn Monroe.

12. Scarves.

13. Youtube.

14. Laughing & SmilingJ.

15. Monkeys.

16. Root beer floats.

17. Forever 21.

18. Writing.

19. Ruby Tuesdays & Buffalo Wild Wings.

20. Trey Songz.

21. People with beautiful hearts.

Letter from Napoleon Bonaparte

I think that Napoleon Bonaparte is being obsessive in the letter that he writes to his wife, Josephine. When he says things like, “My beloved Josephine stands alone in my heart, occupies my mind, fills my thoughts” and “My heart, obsessed by you, is full of tears which prostate me with misery… You alone are the joy and torment of my life” I understand that he is emotionally fixated on “his” beloved Josephine. The letter sounds somewhat like a rant, especially when he mentions the five Vous! Napoleon is angry and frustrated with what his wife had been doing for the last four days and the irregular way she composed her letter. If I received a letter similar to the one that Josephine sent to Napoleon, I might have replied back in the same manner as he did, over reacting and being overly obsessive with the condition of their relationship. Not informing me as tu and failing to show any love while I am away at war would make me crazy too! This is why Napoleon’s letter comes across as obsessive.

“Got you all fired up with your Napoleon complex.”

Obsession & Infatuation

· These are recurrent, persistent and unwanted thoughts that cause the person much anxiety/distress.

· Besides coming under the form of thoughts, they can also be images or impulses that will repeat themselves and are experienced to be unwanted, intrusive and inappropriate.

· The person feels overwhelmed by the obsessions as they seem to intrude in every aspect of their thinking and are very disturbing thus triggering much anxiety and discomfort.

· They will try hard to suppress the thought/images/impulses and/or try to "neutralize" them by other thoughts or specific actions.

· They do realize the thought to be a product of their own mind.

http://understanding_ocd.tripod.com/ocd_obsessions.html